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| Me with a sculpture my Dad, Lynn Williams, made of my mom when she was pregnant with me, entitled 'Jenny & Rosie' |
This is the story of the birth of Raven Echo Rose.
If you have read my previous birth story then you know that I had a difficult hospital birth with my first, Ezra, and better experience at a birth center with my second, Fiona. You can read about that here if you're interested: Announcing the Birth of Fiona Lily Rose
This one was different too... my first home birth. It was very peaceful and rewarding, but also hard. Not hard due to being a home birth, just the way it was. Maybe because she was so big and I'm pretty small, or maybe because she is a stubborn Taurus baby already showing her colors.
I will tell you the story now with the disclaimer, I am going to go into some detail about bodily fluids so if that grosses you out, sorry, but really I'm not sorry, because frankly that's how we all come into this life and it's totally natural and normal.
We'll begin on the Saturday morning before Mother's Day. First thing that morning, I knew I needed to get up and take the covers off of our garden. There had been a rare May freeze warning the night before and my 5 year old Fiona and I had covered the most sensitive plants the night before by flashlight... squash, beans, and tomatoes. I got up out of bed, slowly, my body heavy with a 9 month pregnant belly, and went to use the bathroom. I noticed my mucus plug was coming out. The mucus plug is sort of the "wine cork" between the uterus and the vagina that begins to come out as the cervix dilates and gets ready for labor. It's often one of the first signs that labor is near. As Fiona and I headed down to the garden that morning, I felt a heaviness and pressure in my lower belly I hadn't felt before. I had a hunch the baby would be coming soon so I spent the day wrapping up loose ends. I tried to get some sewing done in the studio but I was so uncomfortable. Instead most of my day was spent cleaning, eating, and getting clutter cleared away to make room for the birth tub. My husband Chris went to get a load of groceries from the farmer's market and helped me clean. Throughout the day more and more of the plug came out, telling me my cervix was dilating all day. I had weak and irregular contractions throughout the day.
That evening Chris had a big video game tournament with his brother (remotely). They play a game called Ark:Survival together and talk on headsets while they battle giant reptiles and rival warriors. His brother lives in Chicago so it's a cool way for them to be able to spend time together in a virtual world. Anyway, they had been planning the battle all week and I could feel my contractions ramping up, but I kept cleaning and let Chris have his time because I knew it might be his last chance to do that for a while. When he was done I enlisted him to help me finish the dishes and blow up the birth tub. We also covered the bed with towels in case my water broke that night.
That night as I tried to sleep, I was having pretty regular contractions about 10-20 minutes apart. I would fall asleep for a few minutes and then be woken again by the pain and tightening of my stomach muscles. I'd push the timer on my contraction app on my phone to keep a rough estimate going and fall back to sleep. I kept wishing they would stop so I could get a good night of rest. And maybe have just one or two more days to prepare. We were still a couple days from my due date and usually my babies have come "late" so I thought I might be in pre-labor for a few days.
But when morning came--- Sunday, Mother's Day--- they were only getting stronger and closer together, and more of the mucus plug had come out. Contractions were lasting about one minute and 6-8 minutes apart. I called my midwife, Anna, at 7 am and gave her a heads up that the baby was coming that day. I talked with my 9 year old daughter, Ezra, and let her know what was happening. Her "job" while I was in labor was to watch our very frisky young cat, Bunny, and keep her out of the way. Ezra also came up with the baby's name, Raven Echo. She also named her other sister, Fiona Lily. She has a knack for names.
Chris put the liner in the birth tub and started filling it with warm water. It was 8ish before it was full and warmed up for me. Around that time my contractions were about 4-5 minutes apart so Chris called Anna again and told her we were ready for her to come over. I got as comfortable as I could in the tub in a kneeling position, holding onto the side, and rode out contractions. During that time Fiona awoke and I explained what was happening. She sat with me and held my hand for awhile. I was shaking a lot but explained to her I was fine, my body was just working really hard.
When Anna and her assistant Meg got there around 9:30, I was already pretty zoned out in labor. I was still kneeling at this point. They started giving me calm verbal reassurances, telling me to breathe through each wave and don't worry about trying to push yet. Anna helped me lean back against the side so she could check my cervix and it was at 9 cm. One of them checked the baby's heart rate with the fetal doppler and it was fine.
I had spent some time making a beautiful, empowering birth playlist, including Kula Shakur, which Fiona was born to... "Shower your love on me, don't make it so hard to cry...shower your love on me, you don't need a reason why."
....Rising Appalachia, which apparently, as I overheard Anna and Meg talking, is a popular choice of birth music... "I believe in being ready, for the time is drawing near."
.... Jefferson Airplane... "You are the crown of creation, and you've got nowhere to go. Soon, you'll achieve the stability you strive for."
.....and Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young... "Wooden ships, on the water, very free, and easy. Easy, you know the way it's supposed to be..."... the irony of which would soon be apparent.
Chris put the liner in the birth tub and started filling it with warm water. It was 8ish before it was full and warmed up for me. Around that time my contractions were about 4-5 minutes apart so Chris called Anna again and told her we were ready for her to come over. I got as comfortable as I could in the tub in a kneeling position, holding onto the side, and rode out contractions. During that time Fiona awoke and I explained what was happening. She sat with me and held my hand for awhile. I was shaking a lot but explained to her I was fine, my body was just working really hard.
When Anna and her assistant Meg got there around 9:30, I was already pretty zoned out in labor. I was still kneeling at this point. They started giving me calm verbal reassurances, telling me to breathe through each wave and don't worry about trying to push yet. Anna helped me lean back against the side so she could check my cervix and it was at 9 cm. One of them checked the baby's heart rate with the fetal doppler and it was fine.
I had spent some time making a beautiful, empowering birth playlist, including Kula Shakur, which Fiona was born to... "Shower your love on me, don't make it so hard to cry...shower your love on me, you don't need a reason why."
....Rising Appalachia, which apparently, as I overheard Anna and Meg talking, is a popular choice of birth music... "I believe in being ready, for the time is drawing near."
.... Jefferson Airplane... "You are the crown of creation, and you've got nowhere to go. Soon, you'll achieve the stability you strive for."
.....and Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young... "Wooden ships, on the water, very free, and easy. Easy, you know the way it's supposed to be..."... the irony of which would soon be apparent.
The next few hours are a blur of people coming in and out, and talking around me... I had my eyes closed a lot of the time. Sometimes someone was holding my hand. After a long time in the water, Anna suggested I stand up for a few minutes, which was new for me, but surprisingly a very comfortable labor position. I would hold someone's hands and would stand for quite a while, sometimes swaying, hoping the gravity would help the baby move downward. At one point while standing, I finally felt a tremendous urge to push so I did, thinking her head was coming down. There was a loud splash and I looked down to see some stuff in the water. I said, "something happened". Meg said, "It looks like it was your water breaking."
Around noon my friend Jess who is a nurse, popped her head in to check on me. Anna told her I was doing fine and we were getting close. Chris took Fiona outside so they could talk to Jess for a while.
Around noon my friend Jess who is a nurse, popped her head in to check on me. Anna told her I was doing fine and we were getting close. Chris took Fiona outside so they could talk to Jess for a while.
I continued to try different positions, crouching, all 4s, leaning on the side. It was starting to feel exhausting and unproductive. I was still shaking continually and having strong contractions about a minute or two apart but no urge to push. Every 20 or 30 minutes Meg would check the baby's heart beat and the feeling of the doppler against my stomach would trigger a painful contraction that would make me cry out. She would apologize and often have to stop and try again a minute later. At some point during this time I reached down to feel if the baby's head was close, but all I felt was my cervix, which felt soft, but no baby. So disappointing. I couldn't vocalize very well but several times I complained that the contractions hurt. I was feeling that "I can't do this" feeling which I suppose means I was in the transition phase. I even had the passing thought, "if I was at a hospital right now, I'd just have them give me a c-section". I was getting so tired and frustrated I just wanted to give up. But I knew I just had to keep going because I was having this baby at home. Add in the weirdness and pressure of the fact that there is a pandemic happening, and a hospital was the absolute last place I wanted to be.
Around 1 pm or so, I felt like I needed Chris. Anna went to find him. He was still outside with Fiona. He came back into the room and fixed the music. We had gone through the birth playlist twice and then it went off on its own into weird classical music, like the stuff they play in cartoons. It was on Tchaikovsky and he told me later he was like, "This is way too dramatic, we can't have the baby to Tchaikovsky". He put on my Funk playlist... Mr. Big Stuff, Chaka Khan, etc.
I stood up and leaned against Chris and held his hands. I was having very strong contractions at this point and in between them I was almost falling asleep against him. I would try to rest each time and would get relaxed enough I was having little dreams for that minute or so in between each one. After a while I wound up sitting/laying back down in the tub kind of on my side. At this point I started finally feeling that urge to push again. I braced myself against the side of the tub with my knees, still on my side and my instincts told me to try to spread my legs open more. Meg instructed me to push into the tub with my knees. I started pushing and felt Raven finally starting to come down the birth canal. She felt enormous and it was very painful but my instincts were telling me to push. I thought, "this is the hardest thing I've ever done." It took all my strength to get her pushed down to where she was crowning. Anna was telling me good job and she could see her head. Another big push and she had started to crown. It took a good 3 pushes to get her head fully out and wow, I felt that ring of fire this time. I distinctly remember thinking, "She is way too big, how is this possible, this is so hard!!" When her head finally came out I yelled, "Oh my God!"
Then I switched positions to kneeling again, and waited for another big contraction to push her body out. It felt like forever and it wasn't coming. I had a little contraction and pushed but it felt like nothing was happening. Chris said at this point he had the thought, "something needs to happen, she has to get her body out somehow". Anna knew exactly what to do and reached down and did a little magic move pulling Raven's arm through so that her shoulders were free and suddenly her whole body just slipped right out, easy peasy. I'm not even sure if I pushed that time although I probably did on instinct and don't remember it.
So Raven was born at almost 2 on Mother's Day afternoon, with Parliament, "We've got the funk" playing. There was the beautiful baby I'd been working so hard for, put on my chest, and they put a towel over her to keep her warm. I looked down at her and said "breathe baby!" and rubbed her back and she took a breath and cried. They suctioned her mouth and she pinked up and started making lots of noise. She locked eyes with me right away. I think both of our faces expressed, "Damn, that was hard. We did it." She made so many great faces and looked just like her big sisters.
Everyone helped me move to the bed. I started nursing Raven and she latched right on. Then Meg and Anna massaged my tummy a bit and helped me deliver the placenta, which was huge. After a little while I got into an herb bath with the baby and nursed her more. When we got out, they did a newborn exam and weighed her.... 9 lb 8 oz!! No wonder it was so hard. My other babies were 8 lb 6 oz and 8 lb 12 oz. Mind you I'm very small, 5'2" and petite. So for me an almost ten pound baby is pretty huge.... for anyone, though, really.
I did have a small tear but didn't need stitches. Also, obviously, some swelling. I'm doing pretty well, 4 days out. And Raven is doing great. Very healthy and a total chunk. Anna told me strictly no walking around or doing housework for a week. And no jazz dancing. Thankfully Chris has been able to stay home with me and there is nothing like having the full attention of a professional cook! He has been making awesome food for us all week.
Overall I'm very happy with how everything went, proud of myself for popping out this ten pound apocalypse baby without an epidural, and once again in awe of midwives and their wisdom when it comes to birth and babies.
Also there is something special about having a baby in your 30s, with some experience, not that it makes the sleepless nights easier but I feel like I have a little more wisdom this time around... knowing it will all be over, the good and bad parts of babyhood, quicker than I realize, or as Anna says, "soaking it all up". I plan to soak it up as much as possible. She's our surprise baby, the last one we'll have, and we're so lucky to have her.
Around 1 pm or so, I felt like I needed Chris. Anna went to find him. He was still outside with Fiona. He came back into the room and fixed the music. We had gone through the birth playlist twice and then it went off on its own into weird classical music, like the stuff they play in cartoons. It was on Tchaikovsky and he told me later he was like, "This is way too dramatic, we can't have the baby to Tchaikovsky". He put on my Funk playlist... Mr. Big Stuff, Chaka Khan, etc.
I stood up and leaned against Chris and held his hands. I was having very strong contractions at this point and in between them I was almost falling asleep against him. I would try to rest each time and would get relaxed enough I was having little dreams for that minute or so in between each one. After a while I wound up sitting/laying back down in the tub kind of on my side. At this point I started finally feeling that urge to push again. I braced myself against the side of the tub with my knees, still on my side and my instincts told me to try to spread my legs open more. Meg instructed me to push into the tub with my knees. I started pushing and felt Raven finally starting to come down the birth canal. She felt enormous and it was very painful but my instincts were telling me to push. I thought, "this is the hardest thing I've ever done." It took all my strength to get her pushed down to where she was crowning. Anna was telling me good job and she could see her head. Another big push and she had started to crown. It took a good 3 pushes to get her head fully out and wow, I felt that ring of fire this time. I distinctly remember thinking, "She is way too big, how is this possible, this is so hard!!" When her head finally came out I yelled, "Oh my God!"
Then I switched positions to kneeling again, and waited for another big contraction to push her body out. It felt like forever and it wasn't coming. I had a little contraction and pushed but it felt like nothing was happening. Chris said at this point he had the thought, "something needs to happen, she has to get her body out somehow". Anna knew exactly what to do and reached down and did a little magic move pulling Raven's arm through so that her shoulders were free and suddenly her whole body just slipped right out, easy peasy. I'm not even sure if I pushed that time although I probably did on instinct and don't remember it.
So Raven was born at almost 2 on Mother's Day afternoon, with Parliament, "We've got the funk" playing. There was the beautiful baby I'd been working so hard for, put on my chest, and they put a towel over her to keep her warm. I looked down at her and said "breathe baby!" and rubbed her back and she took a breath and cried. They suctioned her mouth and she pinked up and started making lots of noise. She locked eyes with me right away. I think both of our faces expressed, "Damn, that was hard. We did it." She made so many great faces and looked just like her big sisters.
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| So hard. |
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| Hello there, nice to meet you |
Everyone helped me move to the bed. I started nursing Raven and she latched right on. Then Meg and Anna massaged my tummy a bit and helped me deliver the placenta, which was huge. After a little while I got into an herb bath with the baby and nursed her more. When we got out, they did a newborn exam and weighed her.... 9 lb 8 oz!! No wonder it was so hard. My other babies were 8 lb 6 oz and 8 lb 12 oz. Mind you I'm very small, 5'2" and petite. So for me an almost ten pound baby is pretty huge.... for anyone, though, really.
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| Anna weighing Raven |
I did have a small tear but didn't need stitches. Also, obviously, some swelling. I'm doing pretty well, 4 days out. And Raven is doing great. Very healthy and a total chunk. Anna told me strictly no walking around or doing housework for a week. And no jazz dancing. Thankfully Chris has been able to stay home with me and there is nothing like having the full attention of a professional cook! He has been making awesome food for us all week.
Overall I'm very happy with how everything went, proud of myself for popping out this ten pound apocalypse baby without an epidural, and once again in awe of midwives and their wisdom when it comes to birth and babies.
Also there is something special about having a baby in your 30s, with some experience, not that it makes the sleepless nights easier but I feel like I have a little more wisdom this time around... knowing it will all be over, the good and bad parts of babyhood, quicker than I realize, or as Anna says, "soaking it all up". I plan to soak it up as much as possible. She's our surprise baby, the last one we'll have, and we're so lucky to have her.
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| Raven Echo Rose |
